A chat about religion [run away!]
Background:
Ok, so I have a devout Catholic mother, who had her own devout Catholic Mother [for those of you who have never met either]; anyways, do I go to church every sunday? No. Is my Mom happy about that? No. But she's not the type to browbeat you on it, UNLESS, you give her an opening to do so. Which I've just gotten better at ignoring & avoiding over the years I suppose. DO i feel that guilt. Yeah. I just ignore it. Much like I ignore that I should eat healthier. [Another rant for another time]
Purpose of post:
Anyways, today I thought a lot about faith and church and where its all supposed to fit and why, and for whom.
Yeah, I know, you're reading thinking...on a Monday?! [Yes, church is usually reserved for Sundays, and the ever fun Holy Days of Obligation (which ignore the days of the Week they happen to fall on) - Xmas, New Years Day, Epiphany [Jan 6], Ascension [40 days after Easter], Immaculate COnception [Dec 8th], Assumption [aug 15th], and All Saints [Nov 1st]]
But, yes, you see I was thinking about it today...a Monday.
Because I went to church this morning at 6:30AM. For a Memorial Mass to honor the one year anniversary of Susan Reilly's death to Breast Cancer. Susan's a friend from childhood. Our moms grew up together. We'd see each other, once, maybe twice a year, our folks and hers would get together, summer BBQ, invites to each others graduation parties, that sort of thing. It was great, it was like having a spare set of cousins who werent blood cousins, and that somehow made those outings MORE fun than [ugh] family functions. [Sue, by the way, one of six - I'm the oldest of four]
Well Sue went on to date a close friend of mine [and a classmate of my brother Jim's], Nick, whom she met while at Widener together.
Funny side story:
They [Nick & Sue] had started dating and neither realized they had something in common - that they both knew the Finnegan clan. It made for a great scene at Walios bar on Widener's campus one night... From Nick..."Hey Sue, let me introduce you to two of my friends...." From Sue..."John! Jimmy!". Nick, again..."You, uhhh, know each other?!" Me..."yeah since I was like twelve, and Sue was five." Entirely too funny, perhaps you had to be there :P
Sorry, back to Purpose of Post:
Anyways, faith and church...
I have faith that they'd have gotten married had she lived. Yes, thats the word for it, faith. But its that same sense of faith that really faltered when she died last year. I've probably only been to church five times since, I think two weddings, my grandmom's funeral, and two of those guilt trips Mom would hit me with, and on those guilt trips, I usually didnt stay very long, before the sense of anger and loss would annoy me into leaving at the earliest opportunity.
How do you express anger with God? With what you've been brought up believing?
Which leads me back to church:
I went to the "institution". And I participated in the "ceremony" if you will. In fact, I had to bug Nick to find out what church[s] and what times, something I really was hoping to avoid. I mean, theres no manual for asking someone "Hey, when is that Memorial Mass for the love of your life being held?"
But I so strongly felt that I owed it to her, to him, to their families, and to their "what should have been?", that I still feel grief for, that I had such Faith in, that I had to go, basically demanded to go... to church, of all places.
I dont know if that's right or OK.
But I'm not taking much solace in it right now.
Sorry for the blue Monday folks...
~Finn
Ok, so I have a devout Catholic mother, who had her own devout Catholic Mother [for those of you who have never met either]; anyways, do I go to church every sunday? No. Is my Mom happy about that? No. But she's not the type to browbeat you on it, UNLESS, you give her an opening to do so. Which I've just gotten better at ignoring & avoiding over the years I suppose. DO i feel that guilt. Yeah. I just ignore it. Much like I ignore that I should eat healthier. [Another rant for another time]
Purpose of post:
Anyways, today I thought a lot about faith and church and where its all supposed to fit and why, and for whom.
Yeah, I know, you're reading thinking...on a Monday?! [Yes, church is usually reserved for Sundays, and the ever fun Holy Days of Obligation (which ignore the days of the Week they happen to fall on) - Xmas, New Years Day, Epiphany [Jan 6], Ascension [40 days after Easter], Immaculate COnception [Dec 8th], Assumption [aug 15th], and All Saints [Nov 1st]]
But, yes, you see I was thinking about it today...a Monday.
Because I went to church this morning at 6:30AM. For a Memorial Mass to honor the one year anniversary of Susan Reilly's death to Breast Cancer. Susan's a friend from childhood. Our moms grew up together. We'd see each other, once, maybe twice a year, our folks and hers would get together, summer BBQ, invites to each others graduation parties, that sort of thing. It was great, it was like having a spare set of cousins who werent blood cousins, and that somehow made those outings MORE fun than [ugh] family functions. [Sue, by the way, one of six - I'm the oldest of four]
Well Sue went on to date a close friend of mine [and a classmate of my brother Jim's], Nick, whom she met while at Widener together.
Funny side story:
They [Nick & Sue] had started dating and neither realized they had something in common - that they both knew the Finnegan clan. It made for a great scene at Walios bar on Widener's campus one night... From Nick..."Hey Sue, let me introduce you to two of my friends...." From Sue..."John! Jimmy!". Nick, again..."You, uhhh, know each other?!" Me..."yeah since I was like twelve, and Sue was five." Entirely too funny, perhaps you had to be there :P
Sorry, back to Purpose of Post:
Anyways, faith and church...
I have faith that they'd have gotten married had she lived. Yes, thats the word for it, faith. But its that same sense of faith that really faltered when she died last year. I've probably only been to church five times since, I think two weddings, my grandmom's funeral, and two of those guilt trips Mom would hit me with, and on those guilt trips, I usually didnt stay very long, before the sense of anger and loss would annoy me into leaving at the earliest opportunity.
How do you express anger with God? With what you've been brought up believing?
Which leads me back to church:
I went to the "institution". And I participated in the "ceremony" if you will. In fact, I had to bug Nick to find out what church[s] and what times, something I really was hoping to avoid. I mean, theres no manual for asking someone "Hey, when is that Memorial Mass for the love of your life being held?"
But I so strongly felt that I owed it to her, to him, to their families, and to their "what should have been?", that I still feel grief for, that I had such Faith in, that I had to go, basically demanded to go... to church, of all places.
I dont know if that's right or OK.
But I'm not taking much solace in it right now.
Sorry for the blue Monday folks...
~Finn
posted by FINN @ 6:52 PM
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